When we meet a confident person, we might think how lucky that person is. It’s easy to assume that you eather don’t have it or that you have to be born with confidence. In fact, that person had to build confidence.
Confidence and self-esteem will increase a decrease throughout your life – especially when you are a young adult. Maybe you just got your degree and you’re trying to find your place in this world.
Experiencing failure that comes with this search is inevitable and it can easily ruin your confidence. The environment and the people we are surrounded by can also have an impact.
The key is to build and practice confidence and see it as a skill that needs continual improvement.
I was pretty confident until my early twenties and was ready to achieve everything I wanted to do in life. But life how it is comes with unpredicted situations. Not everything went as planned which made me doubt myself and my goals. The confidence that I had was simply gone.
This is the point where I realized that I have to build confidence from zero. It’s not easy to start from the bottom but when you do it again you will build a more solid foundation.
How to build confidence?
Achievements will make you feel more confident. But to come to that point we need to start with baby steps. When you feel so unmotivated to even leave your bed then telling you that you need to think more positive or put yourself out there can be overwhelming. So let’s start with really small steps which you can implement in your daily routine. Once you feel comfortable with the easier steps you can go to the next level and try other techniques.
After a lot of trial an error I found some techniques that helped me. Here are some practices that helped me build confidence and feel stronger. Try it yourself or adjust it, so it feels more natural to your personality.
#1 Define your role and your goals
As human beings we need a sense of purpose. When you wake up in the morning without knowing why you’re even getting up that day, your level of confidence can be affected in a negative way. No matter if you are a student or working in a job that might feel irrelevant to you or you’re working on something and haven’t achieved the results you wanted, you need to value everything you do.
Do this simple task and define your role and the goal you are achieving or want to achieve. Fill in the following:
I’m a _____. I wan to _____.
I’m a student. I’m learning to become an expert on my field.
I’m a hairdresser. I make others feel beautiful.
Write this down and pin it somewhere you can see it and remind yourself of your purpose every day.
#2 Take care of your hygiene
No matter how unmotivated you feel, make it a habit to make yourself ready for the day even if you’re not going anywhere. Hop in the shower, brush your teeth and your hair. If you have problems with your teeth, visit the dentist. You will feel much better, and it’s a sign that you respect yourself.
Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.
#3 Wear clothes that fit your style
We often wear clothes that are convenient and blend well with the masses. You probably have a piece in your wardrobe that you really like but are afraid to wear because of judgement. Wearing something that isn’t your style is like having a fake personality, which can affect your confidence. Try to wear clothes that you personally like and you can start small by just adding a few details, like a watch, a bag or shoes.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#4 Have an IDGAF day occasionally
One of the important lessons that I learned is that you shouldn’t build confidence on a materialistic ground, like money or good outer appearance. All these things can be gone – you can simply have no time to get ready, and you will feel insecure and uncomfortable that day. What I like to do occasionally is to leave the house dressed in loose baggy clothes, no make up, no fancy hairstyle. Try this next time you go to the market or to run some errands. This has helped me to build confidence from within and not to relay on materialistic things.
“Confidence is what makes that simple white tee and jeans look good.”– Ciara
#5 Watch your posture
When we feel uncomfortable or anxious, we tend to hunch our back without realizing looking like Quasimodo. Our posture influences our mood so keep your posture in mind, especially if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation and sit up or stand straight. A good posture will not only help you boost confidence but also help to think more clearly.
#6 Speak louder
When I feel anxious or intimidated I tend to speak really quiet and have a weird squeaky voice. You may notice that your voice changes around certain people. As with the posture, keep your voice in mind the next time you’re speaking and try to speak louder and more clearly.
#7 Record yourself
Speaking with confidence will boost your confidence. As mentioned in #6 our voice tends to sound weak and quiet when we feel anxious and insecure. What I used to do is to train my voice and my speaking skills. For this I would use a recording app or device and find something to read aloud. You will feel a bit silly the first time you do it but with time you will feel more comfortable and your voice will sound more articulate. A confident person has a strong voice and opinion. You can use the recording method to also improve your critical thinking skills. Find a topic and record your thought about it, like you were in an interview.
#8 Go for a coffee – alone
A lot of people are afraid and feel awkward to sit alone in a cafe or a restaurant. I used to be the same way but there were (luckily) situations where I had to wait for something so I would just go to a cafe and have a drink. It was so weird in the beginning. You think of things like „what am I going to look at, or „everybody is watching me.“ Now I actually enjoy it and can’t wait to have a moment of solitude.
#9 Dancing and singing
I feel that singing and dancing is the ultimate test for your confidence. I used to be intimidated by it until I had to prepare a solo performance in front of the class in school. Just the thought of it was scary but after I did it I felt so free and confident. You don’t have to break the ice by going to a karaoke bar. You can do this at home or take it a step further and join a singing or dancing class (maybe Zumba class). It is convenient because it is made for beginners and if you don’t know how to dance or you will have someone to teach and you won’t feel awkward.
If you feel insecure, remember that confidence is something you can build and improve. I hope I can help you the techniques above and I would love to hear from you if it works for you. You can also visit out Twitter page for new updates.
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