Why do we feel lonely sometimes? Despite 7 billion people in the world, there are times when we feel isolated and have this feeling of loneliness that will never end. If your eyes are going through this article, chances are that you know what desolation feels like.
Loneliness can consume your life if you let it, it can overshadow your work and goals and can leave you feeling aimless. The feeling of loneliness can sometimes appear suddenly, and it seems like it is for no reason. You don’t even have to be physically alone.
There are many “obvious reasons”, like isolation, childhood trauma, low self-esteem and similar.
Here are three reasons that can easily go unnoticed which make you feel lonely.
To feel lonely, we need other people. Relationships are a common reason of loneliness. It might sound illogical that spending time with your loved ones can make you feel lonely.
Most people try to define loneliness as the absence of friends – if you have friends, you can’t feel lonely. Loneliness can occur when you are unable to form deep personal connections. You might know hundreds of people but if you fail to bond with them, there is a great chance that you will end up feeling empty and lonely.
Maybe your conversation with your friends doesn’t go any deeper than small talk. If you are feeling lonely, try to take an honest look at your friendships. Stable and honest friends respect each other. They listen or provide support. While unstable friends do the opposite, they ignore and criticize, eventually leaving you feeling lonely.
You are an ambivert
We often categorize people into two groups, extroverts and introverts. We can make a mistake by treating it like a yes-or-no question. These personalities work more like a spectrum, and a lot of people fall in between these two personalities – these people are called ambiverts.
Many people characterize themselves incorrectly because they get hung up on one of these labels. For example, if you like sitting in hidden spot or do not socialize much, you will probably label yourself as an introvert and you might isolate yourself, thinking that it is good for you. But that way you are neglecting the extroverted side of you and that small extrovert inside of you wants to socialize and make connections. Even if you are 95% introvert, if you keep yourself isolated you will feel lonely.
Similarly, it works the other way around too, if you feel lonely in a crowded room no matter how extroverted you are, chances are that your introvert side craves something deeper and more personal. It asks you to make fewer and meaningful connections.
Some of the loneliest people spend their entire lives chasing perfection. On the deeper level, social perfectionists are often afraid to do anything unless they can do it flawlessly. They never meet new people because they are scared of rejection. They do not see new opportunities because they are worried about failure. In other words, they think if they never mess up, nothing would hurt them.
But unfortunately, things are never going to be perfect. A perfectionist might avoid being vulnerable until the perfect person comes around, but they never learn what types of people they can be vulnerable with. In life, a person will have all kinds of friends – good and bad, and you have to wade through the bad to reach good, but perfectionists hardly do. Some people mask their loneliness with jobs, hobbies, and pets.
The truth is that you are not alone in feeling lonely.
It is a universal problem that can affect people of any age and gender. Loneliness is real and can feel overwhelming. No matter for which reason you feel lonely, there’s always a way out and you can slowly but surely take control of your life.
Thank you for reading the article. Have you been struggling with loneliness and do you have some personal techniques for dealing with it?